bedtime reflections

i sit in my comfortable bed, sipping my mediocre red wine and thoroughly enjoying the slight buzz twirling up me into my imagination with every draw. my body is a satisfied, content tired, my muscles announcing themselves proudly for the effort that was made in the day's tennis game. my mouth is still reminiscing over the simple yet tasty dinner i managed to concoct. the house has assumed a content air, settling into the evening, as if stretching into resting position after a long day's work. the frogs are chirping, asserting themselves amongst all the other night critters. i try to seep into the ambiance, try to blend in with the night's birth rituals. 

i am happy. i have no particular reason to be so, but more importantly, not reason not to be. my soul feels full, well-nourished, cared for.  it has recently seen so much and felt so much that it has been moulded into a new shape, extreme situations expanding it, making it stronger, more capable, readier for any challenging situation coming my way. it does not crave.

my soul has spread in witnessing the marvels of the world, making space for wonder and astonishment. 

my soul has been inflated with the joy of meeting so many different people, has been magnetized to similar souls presenting themselves in such a variety of forms. 

my soul has swollen with the capacity for love to fill it it so abundantly, deepening it with feelings that have never been experienced before, grooving it with pockets to fill with the love for all i hold dear to me. 

my soul has widened with the emptying sorrow that comes with losing a friend whose groove had at one point been the deepest of them all. 

feeling is living. i live every day to try and feel the most possible. the more i feel, the more i feed my soul, and the more soul is in my possession to nourish others'. not everything i feel is pleasant; the times when the bad outweighs the good make me wonder why i haven't opted for the safety, of limiting feeling, restricting emotions, eliminating questioning, shallowing those grooves. the growing pains of the soul. but like when we grow, we don't stop simply because it hurts. we keep going because we will be stronger, bigger people because of it. 

my soul has been stretched in every which way this year. as i sit in such a familiar setting, so at home in my habits and ways, my soul remembers what it has been capable of supporting. it is appreciating a well-earned rest.